Victoria Twead's New Book

Awarded a Harper Collins ‘Gold Star’, Victoria Twead writes a fantastically funny tale of five years living as reluctant chicken farmers in a small village in Almería in Southern Spain. Ronda Viva has one autographed copy of “Chickens, Mules and Two Old Fools” to give away, more info at the bottom of the page.

The story begins as poor, long-suffering Joe, Vicky’s husband, is looking forward to a peaceful retirement in the UK. Vicky has other plans and drops the bombshell that she wants to uproot to Spain. Vicky is a list-maker, even nicknamed ‘Schindler’ at work, and presents Joe with the following pitch:
• Sunny weather
• Cheap houses
• Live in the country
• Miniscule council tax
• Friendly people
• Less crime
• No heating bills
• Cheap petrol
• Wonderful Spanish food
• Cheap wine and beer
• Could get satellite TV so you won’t miss English football
• Much more laid-back life style
• Could afford house big enough for family and visitors to stay
• No TV licence
• Only short flight to UK
• Might live longer because Mediterranean diet is healthiest in the world

Joe is far from impressed, and retaliates with his own list:

• CAN’T SPEAK SPANISH!
• TOO MANY FLIES!
• MOVING HOUSE IS THE PITS!

However, after much nagging, Joe caves in, but only on the condition that they will move for just five years.

They find their new home in a tiny village tucked away in the romantic Alpujarra mountains. Actually, the house is a crumbling ruin, but Vicky is still sure they’ve made the right decision. The Alpujarra is a rustic and quite conservative part of Southern Spain, very few of the locals speak English, and the couple have no idea of the culture shock in store.

Of course a glimpse of British television documentaries from the time would be enough to convince anyone that paradise awaited; happy couples in white-washed houses, long sunny days, and cool cocktails at sunset. Indeed this was what Vicky had in mind until moving day when their removal truck arrived, knocking over a lamp-post and destroying the village fountain. Hopes of a dignified beginning are quickly dashed. Talk about making an entrance! This was definitely not part of Vicky’s Five Year Plan.

“Chickens, Mules and Two Old Fools” is an hilarious rib-splitting read from beginning to end. We are introduced to village characters, both animal and human, ache for the trials endured by poor Joe, and find ourselves laughing on every page wishing the end wouldn’t come quite so soon. We meet characters such as Mother, a spliff-smoking 85 year old sex-kitten, and her daughter Judith, a slightly too large and exceptionally generous woman who keeps ten dogs. ‘That one’s called “Half”, dear. Always said we’d never have ten dogs, so now we have nine and a “Half”.’

We are introduced to Vicky’s sister and husband-in-law, the Eco-Warriors, whose antics certainly leave an impression, the riotous Gin Twins, and of course we can’t forget the most dangerous cockerel in Spain and the chickens and mules that torment Vicky and Joe. As for selling eggs to the villagers, that plan was never going to run smoothly!

Victoria Twead

But that’s not all. Woven into the story are a number Spanish recipes given to Vicky by characters in the book and the village ladies. No wonder HarperCollins described the book as ‘charming’ as well as ‘hilarious’ and ‘laugh-out-loud funny’. If you liked Chris Stewart’s “Driving over Lemons”, you won’t regret reading Victoria Twead’s “Chickens, Mules and Two Old Fools”. Take it from me, this is one paperback that should be on every expat’s bookshelf and I know people will be talking about B*gger and F*ck, two of Vicky’s hens for years to come.

Says Victoria, “As I wrote, the book made me laugh and cry. When, reluctantly, I showed it to other people, I was astonished to see them react the same way. One may easily imagine my delight when ‘Chickens’ was awarded the HarperCollins Authonomy ‘Gold Star’, and is still today the only non-fiction book to claim that distinction.”

You can buy a copy of “Chickens, Mules and Two Old Fools” after October 14th 2009 from any good bookstore, Amazon UK, or direct from Victoria Twead’s website.

Ronda Viva and Victoria Twead are running a competition to win a signed copy of “Chickens, Mules and Two Old Fools”. All you need to do is email Ronda Viva (admin@rondaviva.com) with the reason you should win your copy. We’ll forward all replies to Victoria, and the winner will receive a personally addressed signed copy. Competition closes 31st October 2009, and the winner will be notified shortly after.

The decision of the judges will be final. No correspondence will be entered into.

Costa Dorada Beach

The Dominican Republic, a nation on the easterly half of the island of Hispaniola, is one of the most exotic places in the world, and has the largest tourism industry in the Caribbean. Today this stunning country welcomes tourists from all countries that are part of the European Union, notably from Spain, France and England, who each year visit the Dominican Republic to enjoy local gastronomic delights, bars and night life, beautiful golden sand beaches (one of the main attractions), fiestas, and of course the people who are a happy smiling nation. Dare to visit the Dominican Republic, you won’t want to go home after experiencing her treasures.

Dominican Republic Cuisine
The Dominican Republic is one of the few Caribbean nations with a wealth of gastronomic variety, having been settled in 1492, though native peoples (the Taino) are known to have inhabited the island since the 7th century. The most popular dish in the Dominican Republic is “Mofongo” featuring ingredients such as: green bananas, garlic and natural spices. Green bananas, also known as plantain, are a staple crop in tropical areas, and are used in the same way as potato in northern climates. Traditionally Mofongo is served in a small trough, like those used by the Taino, whose garrison food accompanies the mofongo-fried plantains or white rice.

Another very popular food in the Dominican Republic is salcocho, a thick spicy meat and vegetable broth that could be made with any type of meat, but is typically made with old hens. Don’t miss mangú as well, a dish whose main component is the green plantain mashed and served with fried salami and fried or scrambled egg. If you’re invited to dinner with friends, it is most likely you will see white rice, red beans and meat on the menu.

Bars and Clubs
The bars and night spots are one of the most popular reasons to visit the Dominican Republic. Whether you’re in the capital Santo Domingo or any of the tourist resorts such as Bavaro, Punta Canta, Juan Dolio, Andrés, Boca Chica, Casa de Campo, Cap Cana, you are going to find bars, discos and nightclubs waiting for you.

Dominicans pride themselves on knowing how to have fun, the tourism industry is built on the nightlife available, but be warned, bars and clubs in tourist areas charge more for a beer, perhaps as much as 5€, whilst getting away from the tourist traps will find more reasonable prices around 1€. Santo Domingo, the capital city of the Dominican Republic is where you’ll find the greatest range of nightlife with the  colonial quarter being the most popular for tourists and locals alike.

Carnival in the Dominican Republic

Merengue Dancers

February is the big month for carnival in the Dominican Republic, this is the month Dominicans celebrate their national independence with a carnival every bit as exciting as better known world festivals. Carnival costumes are very bright, with many characters that are part of the tradition and culture of the Dominican Republic. The bright colours worn seem at first glance to be no different than carnivals you might see in Mexico, Spain or Brazil, but in the Dominican Republic certain puppets and characters are quite unique to the the culture of the people, for example the “stealing chickens” scenes, or “lame devils” characters.

Of the 30 provinces in the Dominican Republic, all in some way celebrate the carnival with music, processions, coloured costumes, devils costumes, both lame and otherwise, but the most popular carnival in the Dominican Republic is in La Vega, one of the northern provinces  in the region of Cibao. People from all over the country including the capital make their way to La Vega, which has become the largest and most important carnival, receiving sponsorship from the media, industry, and the public at large.

Eco-tourism in the Dominican Republic
Outside of her traditional tourism markets, few people realise how spectacular the Dominican Republic is, with magnificent scenery, mountains, rivers and beaches, and forests. Much of the Dominican Republic is still untouched, and is now protected, making the Eastern two thirds of Hispaniola one of only a handful of places in the world where eco-tourism is becoming a major contributor to the national economy.

National Park Los Haitises

The highest mountain in the Caribbean is Pico Duarte (3,087m), and is visited by thousands of tourists each month, though January is considered one of the best months to see the mountain. In addition, the Dominican Republic is home to an incredibly diverse range of fauna and flora, with as much as 36% of all flora considered endemic. Climate diversity in the Dominican Republic is amongst the widest range in the world, with heights ranging from 39m below sea level to 3,087m, and all in an area only 48,500km². Lake Enriquillo, the island’s lowest point is one of only a few salt water lakes in the world to be home to crocodiles, and is relatively accessible for visitors.

Temperatures in the Dominican Republic are largely tropical, warm and humid, though temperate areas exist as well in Cibao province. Towns such as Constanta are known for slightly cooler weather all year round and a lower average humidity. The mountainous terrain in the north of the island is a natural barrier to warmer weather, and producing scenery of breathtaking beauty and interesting wildlife, including several species of unique birds.

Enjoy your stay in the Dominican Republic
The Dominican Republic is a country with conditions for tourism that are unusual because of its variety, it is quite simply unique. The most popular hotel packages are all inclusive deals that cover meals, drinks, some activities, and board. But to really see the Dominican Republic we recommend staying in the colonial quarters, it is from here that the true sights and sounds of the Dominican Republic can be experienced. Trips to the natural wonders of the island are common, and can be arranged from any good hotel. Santo Domingo, the nation’s capital, is well endowed with museums, cinemas, and theaters for those who appreciate local history and culture.

Autumn 2009

Generally, we can expect to see a lot of neutral tones, but with strong accent colours in purple and puce that add definition and contrast, and make the outfit stand out. Don’t expect blacks and browns this autumn, beige and cream colours are the way to go if you want to look stylish leading into winter.

Bright red nail polish in a matte finish, paler shades of lipstick, and fuller hair are going to be seen a lot on the catwalk, so don’t be afraid to let your hair down. Ladies with natural curls and dark hair should get noticed as their natural colours compliment their outfit.

Coats have bold shoulders and lapels, and are longer, reaching down past the waist, in some cases to the knee. Cardigans will also be long, and can be worn with a wide belt, and in keeping with the neutral colours we can expect to see animal prints becoming popular, especially in stockings and accessories.

Ladies intent on standing out from the crowd will find that bold red floral patterns on heavy fabrics, which can be worn with thigh high boots and patterned stockings are the way to dress, though in these situations subdued makeup and nail polish will give the outfit maximum appeal. Lighter coloured hair really works well with these outfits.

Boots will cover the knee, and blacks and browns will be the staple colour.  The financial crisis means that many of the top designers have created clothing that can be used over and over, we expect to see a lot more mixing and matching of items this autumn/winter season, in complete contrast to previous years where entire outfits were more popular.

In formal situations, women can expect to see a variety of styles of dresses and jacket and trouser combinations in black with grey highlights. Dresses are most likely to have only one shoulder, perhaps with a long sleeve, which the other shoulder is exposed. Expect satin, velvet, or fur this year.

Puente Nuevo Ronda

Thanks for visiting Ronda Viva, our new magazine website for the Serranía de Ronda. We have big ambitions for this site, so invite you to bookmark our URL and return when the site is launched during October 2009.